matt oliver can't grow a garden

Just finished marathon session with my awesome dentist. Not crazy about tooth drilling, but numb bottom lip always feels cool.

fresh ink from the east village… http://www.bathroomscrawl.com/

i learned the hard way… if you politely warn people that you are trouble, they don’t believe that you’re trouble. they just think you’re polite.

i just forgot how to spell “Wednesday”. had to look it up.

how is it possible that, regardless of the direction it’s spinning, my ceiling fan doesn’t blow any air down on me?

my computer has had ants.

ok, that was weird.  i woke up early this morning and opened my laptop and, since it was still dark, the only light i had was coming from the monitor.  that’s when i noticed an ant nonchalantly roaming around on my screen.  not cool!  clearly, whatever business he was doing on my computer, he could be conducting elsewhere.  so i brush him away and continue computing.

only a second later, i see him crawling on the computer again!  or i thought it was him.  i turn on my light to get a better look, and discover that my computer is swarming with ants!  ants everywhere!  up and down my power cord.  in and out of the various ports on my computer.  it was out of control!  you’d think my laptop was made out of jelly!

just having all those bugs crawling around was a bummer in itself, but that’s not my main worry.  after moving the computer far away from my bed, i was able to relax and fall back to sleep.  a couple hours later, i woke up and checked the ant situation.  here’s the alarming part…  there wasn’t a single ant to be found anywhere!

i probably have ants roaming around my keyboard all night long, and never wake up early enough to catch them in the act.  well tomorrow i’m setting my alarm…  if they’re galavanting around then, they’re gonna pay!

i come back from every run wanting a six pack of beers. so obviously, this exercise isn’t doing me any good.

although, Magda found this http://bit.ly/Vi8oF.

i wonder what those scientists would say about me eating this…http://twitpic.com/7nwuh

Rain makes all the other flowers grow, but kills mine. This is totally unacceptable, Water.

the yo la tengo channel on pandora will change your life.

my one or two years of wild living finally caught up to me…  i was just flossing and half a tooth popped out of my mouth.

now i’m frantically looking for dental insurance.

and are tooth chips like severed fingers?  i’m gonna put it on ice just in case they can reattach it.

Pillage book reading finished in Hollywood. Now heading back to nyc… Day & Night Beachclub in Southampton at noon.

heading to Book Soup for Brantly Martin’s PILLAGE reading. still haven’t picked part to read. 7-9pm tonight. 8818 Sunset, W Hollywood.

Riding my beachcruiser to chateau marmont.

i’m back in hollywood. for only 24 hours. spending two of those hours doing laundry.

In a san diego nightclub. Just heard a song that says “don’t be a douchebag”. Prescient.

We’re tripling-down at the Double Deuce in San Diego. It was a decision based purely upon this damn recession situation.

Mosquito-

You, as a species, were not good to me during my recent stay in Houston, Texas.  I feel like you unfairly singled me out and attacked me whilst ignoring other equally accessible (and perhaps even slightly tastier) targets.  And you didn’t just do this once…  You attacked me on ten occasions!  Which brings me to my apology.I had accepted the bite you gave me in that fleshy bit between my thumb and pointer finger on my left hand.  And the one directly on the tendon of my left forearm.  And the one on my left elbow.  And the ones on my right elbow, right forearm, right pointer finger, and right abdomen.
But when you started biting my face, you went too far.  You got me in the middle of the forehead.  On the chin.  Left temple.  Right temple.  By that point I was crazy with anger for your lack of discretion.
I just went into the lavatory of the Southwest airplane which is now flying me far away from you evil bugs.  I looked in the mirror, and that’s when I realized my mistake.  The mark on my right temple is actually a zit, and it had nothing to do with you.  I’m sorry for being so quick to blame you for that blemish.  But, to be fair, you or your cronies have sucked so much of my blood during these past two days, I guess I just jumped to conclusions.
My advice to you, if you want to avoid such false accusations in the future, is to be conscious of the places you bite people.  I can handle a little bump and itch, but please…  I beg you…  Never mess with the face!

Gruelling trip airport to car rental lot in shuttle with babies and manic dogs. We don’t belong. This is not my beautiful life.

Roadtripping to San Diego with @brantlypillage

first part of my day was here and here.